Leaving regret behind

There is a special kind of pain that comes with, I wish I had only____. Only what ? Not do something? Or was it a missed moment that can’t be regained ? Regret is a nagging pain that can cripple the person that lives in it. Many studies have shown it’s the most negative emotion that a person can have. Yesterday on Jan. 4 my dad would have turned 72, on that Friday in 2019 it was a busy day I got home and was tired and didn’t call him to say happy birthday, little did I know it would be his last. I truly suffered with this. I know that he was not mad or hold that against me, but the pain of regret gnawed at me a very long time. If I could only say I love you & happy birthday one more time. As small as that may seem it was very large to me, it was a burden I wore everyday. I can hardly imagine the pain that some may feel. Moments you would do anything to just have one more chance, to either make it right or take it back. Do you suffer this pain? I’m sure to some degree we all do.

I believe it is one of the strongest weapons the enemy owns to make sure we live in defeat and take all the joy from our lives and can lead to self destruction. Look at the life of Judas, and the life of Peter, both betrayed the Lord but only one it was his demise. Both committed the largest of sins, Judas sold Jesus out for just a few pieces of silver (Matt 26:15) that today would be less than 20$. When Jesus needed Peter the most he said, I don’t know you ( Matt 26: 72). No matter the regret we live with I imagine it would be difficult to be larger than denying Jesus or selling him out ! But that’s the thing, pain is pain and unless we are released from it, it’s hard to find peace in life. The difference between the two men are that one’s regret drove him to destruction( Matt 27:5) and the other it drove him to his knees to seek Christ and forgiveness. (Matt 26: 75) All Judas could think was look what I have done until it destroyed him. Peter said look what I have done and wept bitterly, he was in pain but he was restored !

We can be restored and freed from the pain of regret. If you read through the New Testament in the book of Acts and look at the life of Paul, his testimony is like no other. If anyone could have struggled with regret this man would have, but he was able to say this

 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14 ESV

We have to trust Jesus and press forward. The pain of decisions that can’t be changed is real and as much as it can burden us down, we have to know that if we trust in Him we can be freed from If only…We have to rest in this. And we know that for those who love God ALL THINGS work together for good.. Romans 8:28 ESV All things? Even my bad decisions ? I believe so, all things are working to bring us closer to Christ and Glory to His name. The past indeed leaves us with scars, but scars are a testament that we survived and not to just live but to be able to reach out to someone else who can’t seem to see past the horrible burden of regret.

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. ~ Lewis Smedes

January 2, 2020

Last night before bed I was reading one of my favorite stories in the Bible, and this story always brings me peace.

In Genesis 37-50 we read of the life of Joseph, a young man who knew what trials and hardship really were. He was thrown in a hole by his own brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused of a crime, and then thrown into a prison and ultimately forgotten. How could he still have hope? It amazes me when reading this wonderful story how he didn’t become a bitter and mean person. We see him from being thrown into a pit, all the way to being second in command over all of Egypt. It is such a beautiful story and in the middle of the storms of life, I am given such hope because of one sentence…

Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

At this point of the story Joseph is speaking to his brothers who had caused him so much pain. Joseph had revealed who he was to them and reminded them of God’s goodness not only for his life, but so many people he was given charge of during the famine. Joseph had the opportunity to take his revenge on his brothers. With such a famine in the land he could have easily said no, I won’t give you food to take to your people, but Joseph was able to see that all of his hardships had come full circle and he knew that God had made a way. God allowed the pit, being sold, thrown in prison, and was with him every step of the way. Without all the things he had been through, there would be no provision for them.

I look back at my own life, the things that I’ve walked through and its been the hand of God through ever failure, every sin, and every victory. Through these moments in my life God has cleared a path and allowed me to live. There are things in my past that have hurt and cut me to the bone. Times when I absolutely was sure that God couldn’t or wouldn’t hear me. Today I look around and see what he’s done for me. I am by no means where I should be, but like Joseph every single heartache, failure and victory has been God’s amazing grace leading me to where I need to be. So I pray for the ones who can’t seem to see a way out of the “pit” of life. I pray that they will see Your hand in all their struggles, and as they seek You, I ask that You clear a path.❤️

New Year, New Ideas

The year of 2019 has been the most difficult year of my life, as of yet any way. The Lord has walked with me through many things this year. The death of my earthly hero, my dad. The man who loved me most on this earth. He taught me how to pray, taught me the word & loved me at my worst. In this life he was a beautiful example of Jesus to me, even in his flaws. I’ve told people that in 2019 there were only 6 good days ( I’m aware that’s false, but man) the first 5 were before my dad died on Jan. 6 & the other was the day my first grandchild was born May 21st. Yes, I suppose that may seem like an exaggeration but the lessons that have been taught to me are life changing. Days I felt as if I were drowning, days I went to bed praying I just wouldn’t wake up (truth) & days that were absolutely beautiful. I have decided that the best thing I could do would be to share some of my lessons, good and bad in hopes of giving someone else hope. Things are in the planning phase right now, this website, a podcast and other new ideas all just to show people you ARE NOT ALONE & Jesus is ENOUGH! My prayer is that you are touched and given hope, peace and the ability to share your story too.