There is a special kind of pain that comes with, I wish I had only____. Only what ? Not do something? Or was it a missed moment that can’t be regained ? Regret is a nagging pain that can cripple the person that lives in it. Many studies have shown it’s the most negative emotion that a person can have. Yesterday on Jan. 4 my dad would have turned 72, on that Friday in 2019 it was a busy day I got home and was tired and didn’t call him to say happy birthday, little did I know it would be his last. I truly suffered with this. I know that he was not mad or hold that against me, but the pain of regret gnawed at me a very long time. If I could only say I love you & happy birthday one more time. As small as that may seem it was very large to me, it was a burden I wore everyday. I can hardly imagine the pain that some may feel. Moments you would do anything to just have one more chance, to either make it right or take it back. Do you suffer this pain? I’m sure to some degree we all do.
I believe it is one of the strongest weapons the enemy owns to make sure we live in defeat and take all the joy from our lives and can lead to self destruction. Look at the life of Judas, and the life of Peter, both betrayed the Lord but only one it was his demise. Both committed the largest of sins, Judas sold Jesus out for just a few pieces of silver (Matt 26:15) that today would be less than 20$. When Jesus needed Peter the most he said, I don’t know you ( Matt 26: 72). No matter the regret we live with I imagine it would be difficult to be larger than denying Jesus or selling him out ! But that’s the thing, pain is pain and unless we are released from it, it’s hard to find peace in life. The difference between the two men are that one’s regret drove him to destruction( Matt 27:5) and the other it drove him to his knees to seek Christ and forgiveness. (Matt 26: 75) All Judas could think was look what I have done until it destroyed him. Peter said look what I have done and wept bitterly, he was in pain but he was restored !
We can be restored and freed from the pain of regret. If you read through the New Testament in the book of Acts and look at the life of Paul, his testimony is like no other. If anyone could have struggled with regret this man would have, but he was able to say this
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14 ESV
We have to trust Jesus and press forward. The pain of decisions that can’t be changed is real and as much as it can burden us down, we have to know that if we trust in Him we can be freed from If only…We have to rest in this. And we know that for those who love God ALL THINGS work together for good.. Romans 8:28 ESV All things? Even my bad decisions ? I believe so, all things are working to bring us closer to Christ and Glory to His name. The past indeed leaves us with scars, but scars are a testament that we survived and not to just live but to be able to reach out to someone else who can’t seem to see past the horrible burden of regret.
Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. ~ Lewis Smedes