It has been 2 years since the last post, life has thrown many hard balls and right now it is almost more than a soul can take. But ya know what? Jesus has been there every single step of the way, he has provided everything I need and then more. He is good & he is faithful, and for that I am grateful. I am currently working on a few things and hope to add them soon. If you are seeing this for the first time in a while or first time ever, welcome!

Casting all your cares

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. ESV

I don’t know if you have ever tried throwing a cast net to catch fish or not but growing up in my home I got to accompany my dad on many fishing trips and he loved to throw his net. He was good at it and most times he caught a fair number of fish. I was always too little to carry it back in those days, it was about 8 feet long and heavy. He would put one part over one arm, grab the lead line to another side lean back and let go. He would throw that net many years, until his health no longer allowed him to and then he would take someone to throw it for him while he drove the boat. He was truly a fisherman at heart.

About a year after his death, I found the bucket that held that old net in his barn, just like he left it. I brought it home and put it in storage. It was many months later when I finally got it out. I worked with it for a few days and then I took it out to the water. I walked out into the bay, got part of that net over one arm grabbed the line like he would have dug my toes in the mud and threw as hard as I could. It was nowhere as good as if he had thrown it and I more than likely simply scared all the fish off, but man did it feel good to let that thing go! I pulled the long rope holding that net back to me through the mud and now it was even heavier & harder to get up to throw, but I found something in letting go...

Peace and then tears came because I wondered, is that why he loved it so much, he was willing to have someone else throw it for him when he couldn’t?  Don’t get me wrong, he loved to catch fish but at times there was more to it than that.

I pulled that net back through the water until my shoulder was hurting and I was exhausted, but each time I put that wet, heavy, net over my arm I thought less about catching fish and more about that little verse in 1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him because he cares for you. I thought about all the “things” I have carried over the years, things I was never meant to carry, but was always there. I’m sure I looked crazy trying to get that (far larger than me) net up to throw, but I didn’t care. To cast something means to throw forcefully, I thought of a lot of things out there in that water, but it was mostly a reminder of what Jesus can do in a life.

Because here is the thing, until we let go we can’t be free. The pain, the hurt, the bitterness, the wronged you endured. As long as you hang onto that heavy burden it just gets heavier by the day and we sink deeper in a life that we believe is making us “ strong” but secretly we’re drowning in pain.

 We have a Heavenly Father who can carry the weight of whatever holds us down, who will not ever get tired. The one who paid the ultimate price for our freedom and peace of mind and heart. The one who will never leave and beckons us to rest in him, if we’ll only stop trying to carry something that gets a little heavier each day. Jesus calls out to us, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matt 11:28 Sometimes life is hard, harder than we think we can bear, but there is peace to be found in that little verse. Jesus, while on the cross was placed every sin, every weight, every pain we would ever go through so we could have freedom and rest from whatever holds us down. If you are a believer in Christ all the work has been done for you and you are forgiven, cast it all on Jesus and forgive yourself too, because there is hope ❤️

Accepted…

If you found a piece of paper in the yard with scribbles on it, you wouldn’t think much of it and would probably throw it in the trash. But let my grandchild bring me a piece of paper with her scribbles on it and it is a different story then. I would accept it with joy and give it a special place, not because she tried hard, or because it was perfect, but because how much I love her. I loved her before I ever laid eyes on her. I loved her long before I held her in my arms that afternoon for the first time. Long before she could scribble me a picture on a piece of paper, I loved her before it all. Not because of her but because of who she is to me… A part of me, a piece of my child, a piece of me…

  I thought about that last night for a long time… We think sometimes our striving and working will make the Father love us more. We believe if we try hard enough to be better and do better, we will be accepted. When in fact even the best of us, the Bible says, our righteousness is like rags Isaiah 64:6. Just scribbles on a piece of paper. Our best good deeds are trash just laying outside, special to no one. But because of Jesus, the one who loved me before my mom & dad even knew me, before I drew my first breath, before  (I looked like) I had my life together, before my greatest moments and biggest failures, before it all Romans 5;8. Took my place on the cross.

 Jesus paid the debt to the Father that I owed and took the wrath due to me and said I love you because you are mine. I love you because of who you are to me… My Child.  I’ve been given a special place that can’t be taken away John 10:28. There is nothing I can do to make him love me more, and nothing I will ever do to make him love me less. Still, because of his great love and mercy I am accepted in the beloved Ephesians 1:6…. Because it’s not about me, it’s all about him who loved me first 1 John 4:19… We are so loved & there is hope! When you realize this, you look at things a lot differently. You are not “trying to be a better person” you REST. You find joy in rest, you find peace in rest, you find that out of your heart love flows for others in a different way. No longer do you live in fear that maybe you are not enough… You KNOW you will NEVER be enough. But in Christ, The Father sees only his son, the one who is perfect, the one who has made all things right, the one who IS enough, and not all the dirty pieces of paper we try to give him.

If you have placed your faith in Jesus and him alone, you are accepted with joy, and you have no doubt of the Fathers love. He takes our lives and makes something new. Jesus took all my sin & yours upon his shoulders on the cross that we might have eternal life.  John 3:16 Thank you Jesus, that you have loved me through it all and I have been accepted. 

If you were only here…

I feel as if every time I post something on here its mostly for me, but I hope you find peace in it too.

In John chapter 11, a story is told of suffering, sorrow, grief, and joy. Mary, the one who loved Jesus so much for healing her from evil spirits, was with her brother Lazarus who was very sick. I picture Mary knowing in her heart what Jesus had done for her in the past, “surely, he will save my brother if I can just get him word.” Mary loved Jesus so much that she had at one time anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, but Jesus did not come, she waited and waited but Lazarus died. Do you think she was broken hearted when she found out Jesus knew and still left town? Do you think in her storm of life she questioned his love for her? They were friends, but he didn’t come. I wasn’t there, but I can easily say I don’t think I would have understood at all, to say in the least.

Mary and Martha had no doubt Jesus could heal Lazarus. They had witnessed firsthand his power. They loved Jesus with all they had, but their brother was so sick, and the master is nowhere to be found. I have felt like that before. I can be open enough to say, “Lord, why? Why, does my loved one suffer? Why, does it hurt so bad? How will this ever change?” When doubt comes in your life you can run to the goodness of God or allow it to grow until there is no peace in life to be found. 

When Jesus comes back to the town of Bethany, he is greeted by a grieving Martha who said, “Lord, if you had only been here… but I still believe.” Mary had remained in her house, grief stricken over what she thought was lost. Martha went back to get her and said to Mary, “come with me the Lord is here and is asking for you.” A suffering and broken Mary ran to Jesus and fell on his feet. “Lord, if you had only been here my brother would not have died.”

Where is your “here?”

The place like Mary, you believed you were, and the Lord was not. The place where you believed there was no hope. Where in your suffering, you lost hope? I have some places of “here” in my life. Places I am not proud of, where I felt like David in Psalm 22: 14 “I am poured out like water.”  I have felt hopeless...I just couldn’t understand how anything good could possibly come from my pain. This is where without the truth the battle of unbelief can be won or lost. The truth is since Genesis chapter 3 we have lived in a fallen and broken world where pain and suffering are real, where things happen that we just don’t understand, where it feels like the earth itself is falling out from under us. But there are some things for sure that we can stand on that are solid. You are not alone, never lost, never forgotten and your pain and suffering are not in vain. Every step you’ve taken the Father has walked with you, every tear that ran down your face that no one seen, God saw. As a child of God, the truth is, he is working all things for our sanctification and his glory.  I once heard it told, God is doing about 10,000 things in our lives and we are possibly aware of about three.

Over and over in John chapter 11, Jesus says, “this is to bring glory to God.”  Mary was unaware of what was about to come from her suffering and hopelessness. Mary did not know that her grief and pain would be the pivotal truth in our lives today. That even in our sorrow and grief God is working his perfect will. Mary did not know that Jesus knew exactly where she and her brother were. Not one second did he forget Lazarus. The purpose was to bring glory to the Father and that they would believe that Jesus IS the resurrection and life. So then he stood at the tomb and cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out…And Jesus said “Unbind him, and let him go.”

When we are discouraged, broken hearted from pain and suffering, and feel that we are all alone in our “here” take heart in knowing that even in the middle of whatever mess life has thrown at your way, Jesus is there with us and THERE IS HOPE...

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Broken Vessels of Grace

This is a story I was told many years ago about broken vessels…

When a dish or something we loved like a beautiful vase falls and breaks into a thousand pieces, we throw them away angrily and regretfully. We consider it wasted and of no use. But in Japan they have a practice that highlights and enhances the breaks thus adding value to the broken object. It’s called Kintsugi, and it means a golden repair. This traditional Japanese form of art uses liquid gold, dusted with powdered gold to bring together the pieces of a broken pottery item, and at the same time enhance the breaks. Because of the randomness with which ceramics shatter and the irregular patterns that are formed due to the shattering, the gold enhances the broken marks. When the artist completes their work, a unique piece of pottery is put on display. What a beautiful picture is seen from the broken pottery.

Everyone has a story of something special in their lives that’s been broken, whether it be a favorite dish, a fragile gift that was given or a special toy during childhood. In that moment, disappointment and sadness are real. Throughout my childhood and even in my adult years I remember the same things happening to me. It hurts and a little part of you is angry that its broken because it can’t be what it once was. What about when its something broken in our lives, hearts, or our minds? Being broken in these areas causes people to be ashamed, eventually put on a mask to hide our emotions and try to pretend its all ok. But, its not at all ok. It’s very much the opposite.

When we stumble and fall, often the brokenness feels so heavy it seems it won’t ever lift. The result is that we carry it like a broken piece of pottery that no one else notices. The pain arrives because its sharp edges cut our emotions and allows us to feel useless, which is not what it originally was intended to be. When we are broken at the hands of others its not only cutting us, it’s overwhelming, even crushing us. But still we hide the pain in hopes ignoring it will make everything ok, because if people only knew “the real me” they would never believe that I am continually trying to live life, love the Lord, serve in my church, but all the while emotionally bleeding to death . We carry it into marriages, jobs, churches, and just life in general. It runs it course.

As a child my dad would tell me about cane stalks used for fishing, he would say “if they are bruised badly or broken you can stand them up straight and you can’t even tell they are weak, but any pressure at all and the weak place is exposed and they will break in that spot.” He explained to me how even though they couldn’t be used for fishing, they could be used for something much greater. For example the making of sugar, which is needed in everything. So, in a way the broken ones are of more value than the ones that were never bruised. There’s wisdom in that if we think about it…(Oh how I miss that man) We try so hard to look like nothing is wrong, we are #blessed and living life, but all the while praying no more pressure is put on us or we will surely break even further.

Then we live with the questions, “Why? What did I do to cause this pain?” We look inward to try to find answers because not having answers to questions is excruciating, brings about doubt, bitterness, and disbelief. So we try all the harder with “good works” and “if I only could” but the broken pieces of our lives drive down deeper into our souls because we feel we can’t be pleasing to Jesus or this wouldn’t be happening. The conclusion nothing good could come from this, or we can’t be loved or can’t love others properly because we are broken is made.

One of the main reasons I started this page was because of the feeling I struggled with of living in a private hell that kept me closed up inside. Due to this, I felt alone and ashamed because I couldn’t see any usefulness in my suffering, but all the while the Father was working in me and my brokenness for His glory. Most days my life is a broken mess! I’ve tried hiding it. I’ve tried putting on a smile and acting like life was just great, but much like the filter I use in my selfies to smooth out all the wrinkles ;)they look nice, but both are fake. If I had only handed the broken pieces over to Jesus, the healer of all. It’s a life process of learning this discipline. Oh the joy that comes when we give it all to Jesus, who is the mender of all, and to say “here it is, no longer can I carry all these broken pieces of my life. Lord, I need you.”

When the Japanese mend their bowls with gold, the brokenness stands out. The scars have made a piece of pottery become a beautiful vessel of grace. It took time to mend them. It took patience to work all the little pieces together, but once it was done, that “broken thing” that was thought useless, not only is it worth more, it’s more beautiful than ever before. We are all works in the potters hand, He sees things differently than we do. We see broken, useless, failed, and never will amount to anything. The Father sees what the finished product is going to be, a vessel of honor, used to reach out and help someone else who can no longer carry the load. He is the potter and the healer, but he uses us to help each other pick up broken pieces of shattered lives. Why? To show someone, there is hope. Because the truth is we ARE ALL BROKEN, just in different places. We’re to help them see meaning in the broken piece.

I grew up listening to this song, and it couldn’t be more true this very day.

Empty and broken, I came back to Him.

A vessel unworthy, so scarred from sin.

But He did not despair...He started over again.

And I bless the day, He didn't throw the clay away.

I love that song very much. Each one of us is a broken, beautiful, and mended testimony that speaks to the goodness and faithfulness of our Loving God. And the beauty behind the broken vessels of Grace is that it finds its true meaning because Jesus didn’t throw the clay away.

And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter's hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do. Jeremiah 18:4

Behold, like the clay in the potter's hand, so are you in my hand… Jeremiah 18:6

Thank you…

Thank you Jesus, that even in the middle of all my messiness, You are mindful of me.. The me that gets angry. The me that is jealous. The me that deserves death, not your loving kindness.. Yet you see fit to let me have one more day.. ❤️ Thank you that you are even concerned for me.. I am not forgotten, you have not left me… Because you have set your love upon me… There is hope.
What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
For You have made him a little lower than the angels, And You have crowned him with glory and honor. Psalm 8:4-8

Even if I fail…

Even though I struggle, even though I fail. You oh Lord are good.

Even though I slack, even though I cry, even though my efforts always just seem to fall along the side.. I will always thank you for your blessings on me. I thank you that you are faithful. I thank you that even though I fail & faultier, not once have you forsaken me….. To the person who feels they just don’t measure up, in Christ you do. To the person who struggles, rest tonight .. Jesus is enough.. Sleep well, He is up

 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 | NIV

Being present in pain...

Recently I was in a car accident coming home from work. Tired and hungry, I sat waiting on the green light to go and grab something to eat. As I was pulling out on a rainy night, someone moving too fast, trying to stop on the inside lane hit me in my door. It was dark, raining, and I was scared , sitting in the middle of a busy intersection. Its only the precious mercies of the Lord it wasn’t very bad. Other than the bump on my head, I’m just sore, but fine. As I came to my senses I immediately noticed something. People, ( for whatever reasons) prefer to look but not get involved. I was hit hard enough that I couldn’t think straight, it was dark & I was terrified someone else would top that hill not knowing I was there and really hit me.

At first someone walked around the car yelling, trying to get my attention to see if I was ok. He couldn’t see in very good because of the rain or open my door because it was stuck. I was not thinking straight so the yelling was making me worse, even though he was just trying to help.... A few mins later a different man walked up to the car pulled the door open that was jammed and got down on his knees in the middle of a busy road to check on me. I was scared, upset, and not very happy at the moment. He was quiet, calm and reassured me I was fine, the car, that I had been driving only a couple of months was fine and medics were coming. I was not badly hurt & In that moment, that was what I needed most. Just presence…Another person enables us to bear twice as much pain, just being there.

We take for granted sometimes just how important it is to Just Be Present. He did nothing special, didn’t fix one thing, no great words, he was just present in my “suffering” so I would know I wasn’t alone. Soon the medics & police were there and he was gone and eventually I was allowed to go home. Later that night I was thinking about that moment and how it affected me. Many times I feel as if I could not help someone who is suffering because, how could I relate? So maybe I just “look and pass on by.” But we have the ability to step into someones life during their trauma, calmly and with no outstanding gifts and just be there. It is far more important than fancy words or big speeches and can be more valuable than money. It’s the gift of sharing one another’s burdens sitting silently beside the one who is hurting might be the best gift we can give.

In the Bible The Parable of the Good Samaritan Luke 10:25-37 NIV A man is attacked by robbers and left for dead on the side of the road. People of importance see this man, and pass him by. Religious people him see him and walked on past, some even moved to the opposite side of the road. But a Samaritan…A person that was thought to be trash, or worthless in the eyes of most, saw the man half dead and had pity on him. He was moved and compelled to take action, he went to him and bandaged up his wounds, put him on his own donkey, and then took him to an Inn to take care of him. He had compassion on someone who was suffering & didn’t worry about how it would reflect on him. He was just present in pain. Jesus says for us to go and do like wise.

Many times in my life people have walked in and done nothing they would think to be special, but it was a comfort to me. Standing silently next to me in my pain, at critical times when words wouldn’t, couldn’t change anything. When I was afraid, when I was unsure, when my world was literally falling apart. I was not alone, and I thank God above He placed them there to silently hold me together when I was falling apart. We have been given a gift in earthly vessels, the gift of presence. The amazing gift of when we make it through the other side of our pain & suffering, the gift of allowing someone else to know that they are not alone, on this earth or in heaven. To allow them to know THERE IS HOPE

Be humble and gentle:be patient, bearing with one another in love Ephesians 4:2

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ Galatians 6:2

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There Is Hope Beyond Today.

Sitting on my porch early one Saturday morning my mom and dad pulled up in my yard on his old truck with a gift. When I walked out to meet them I saw what it was, a small lemon sapling. I love working in the yard with my hands in the dirt. There is just something very therapeutic about that connection for me. I had been looking for one for a while, and they just happen to come across one earlier that morning while they had been out. So we dug a deep hole and planted the sapling where I could watch it grow. As months turned into year and a half, I finally got a return on all the hard work. A big beautiful lemon tree that could barely stand due to the weight of the lemons! We would have so many lemons we’d have to give them away! It stood about 5 feet tall, and I looked forward to the white blossoms every spring. When winter would come I would always take precautions for the weather and make sure it was covered at the right times.

I live in a very small southern town where normally winters aren’t that bad. The term“cold weather” is a few nights freezing once and a while where you need to leave a faucet dripping at best. The winter of 2014 was a really cold one for us. Also in January of that year there was a big rain with a hard freeze to follow. I covered the tree and provided a heating lamp to insure that it wouldn’t get too cold. Everything in our little town was frozen for about two days. It was miserable weather for people in the South, many had never dealt with those kinds of temperatures. As the weather started to change I started to notice small changes with the tree. At first, just a couple of leaves crinkled a little.. I was so hopeful that it was just minor damage and it would pull through, but each day was a little worse. It wasn’t long before I knew the tree had frozen and had died.

I know it sounds silly, but I really loved that tree. The love came from working with my own hands in the soil, watching it make beautiful fruit, and realizing it was a gift from my parents. I was so disappointed as it just stood in the front yard dead and limbs breaking off with the breeze. My best efforts were just not good enough! I really tried to save it. Now I was just angry! So while working in the yard one morning I just tore up the rest (what didn’t break off in my hands) and threw it in the brush pile. I tried everything I knew to do, but ultimately I just was done. I even cried when I carried it to the brush pile. After that day, and the days to come, the bare spot was finally filled in with new grass.

How often have you poured everything you have into people and they break your heart? Watched them grow physically or spiritually, and then “Winter” comes and it seems they didn’t make it. It says in Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick… Oh that is so true! How many times have you prayed for an answer and it felt as if God was a million miles away? You feel as if you have worked with this person, helped them, supported them, got your hands messy in their life to only end up disappointed. I do believe hope deferred is a most crushing feeling. As time went on, I didn’t think so much about the tree. I planted more flowers in different places and kinda forgot about the tree. Summer and winter came, and then spring.

Pulling up in my yard one late afternoon, my headlights shined across the yard and I noticed something in the grass. I was a little put out because I mowed earlier that day and thought I missed a spot, but I went on in. The next morning getting into my car I noticed it a again, but it wasn’t just a weed I missed from mowing. This time I walked out there to check it out. I don’t think I will ever forget walking up to the spot and just standing there in disbelief. It was a sprout! A sprout of a lemon tree! I couldn’t believe it, that lemon tree was dead, and I had even tore the rest of it up.. I got mad, frustrated and gave up not realizing this one thing. A seed remained. I was so happy I went in the house and got my husband and made him come look too. He was thinking what most people would, “what’s the big deal?” But to me it was a big deal. That was life! There had been life there the whole time, even after the tree froze, the limbs fell off, and the remaining branches were tore apart. That’s amazing to me! There was still life after the harshest of conditions.

I pray we keep this in mind when dealing with others who are battling disappointment, hurts, pain, feelings of hopelessness, I pray we see the good in their lives. Remember, every time we mention Jesus a seed is being planted. Every time the gospel is shared a seed is planted. I was raised in the belief that words plant seeds in your life; words speak life to people. Tell them about Jesus, tell them there is hope, tell them that if the Lord allows, the sun will rise tomorrow. Tell them that even in the worst pain, if there is breath, there is hope. Life is harsh, sometimes its more than we can carry. “Winters” are brutal, people are like us and are broken too, they will break you and disappointment will come. Life at times tries its very best to tear us up from the roots.

It is up to Jesus to wake that seed up, but it is up to us to water that seed! Jesus doesn’t see people like we do. We see failure after failure. He sees a seed, a life, a child. There is absolutely nothing like new life. That lemon tree now stands close to 10 feet tall and once again has lemons on it. It survived when I gave up and lost hope. It survived and is doing well, actually better than before. The rest of the verse says the Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life Proverbs 13:12…. A tree of life..That’s something to think about when we are at our wits end and life is pulling with everything it has… It all started with a seed. Thanks be to Jesus, he has never given up on me!

Leaving regret behind

There is a special kind of pain that comes with, I wish I had only____. Only what ? Not do something? Or was it a missed moment that can’t be regained ? Regret is a nagging pain that can cripple the person that lives in it. Many studies have shown it’s the most negative emotion that a person can have. Yesterday on Jan. 4 my dad would have turned 72, on that Friday in 2019 it was a busy day I got home and was tired and didn’t call him to say happy birthday, little did I know it would be his last. I truly suffered with this. I know that he was not mad or hold that against me, but the pain of regret gnawed at me a very long time. If I could only say I love you & happy birthday one more time. As small as that may seem it was very large to me, it was a burden I wore everyday. I can hardly imagine the pain that some may feel. Moments you would do anything to just have one more chance, to either make it right or take it back. Do you suffer this pain? I’m sure to some degree we all do.

I believe it is one of the strongest weapons the enemy owns to make sure we live in defeat and take all the joy from our lives and can lead to self destruction. Look at the life of Judas, and the life of Peter, both betrayed the Lord but only one it was his demise. Both committed the largest of sins, Judas sold Jesus out for just a few pieces of silver (Matt 26:15) that today would be less than 20$. When Jesus needed Peter the most he said, I don’t know you ( Matt 26: 72). No matter the regret we live with I imagine it would be difficult to be larger than denying Jesus or selling him out ! But that’s the thing, pain is pain and unless we are released from it, it’s hard to find peace in life. The difference between the two men are that one’s regret drove him to destruction( Matt 27:5) and the other it drove him to his knees to seek Christ and forgiveness. (Matt 26: 75) All Judas could think was look what I have done until it destroyed him. Peter said look what I have done and wept bitterly, he was in pain but he was restored !

We can be restored and freed from the pain of regret. If you read through the New Testament in the book of Acts and look at the life of Paul, his testimony is like no other. If anyone could have struggled with regret this man would have, but he was able to say this

 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14 ESV

We have to trust Jesus and press forward. The pain of decisions that can’t be changed is real and as much as it can burden us down, we have to know that if we trust in Him we can be freed from If only…We have to rest in this. And we know that for those who love God ALL THINGS work together for good.. Romans 8:28 ESV All things? Even my bad decisions ? I believe so, all things are working to bring us closer to Christ and Glory to His name. The past indeed leaves us with scars, but scars are a testament that we survived and not to just live but to be able to reach out to someone else who can’t seem to see past the horrible burden of regret.

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. ~ Lewis Smedes

January 2, 2020

Last night before bed I was reading one of my favorite stories in the Bible, and this story always brings me peace.

In Genesis 37-50 we read of the life of Joseph, a young man who knew what trials and hardship really were. He was thrown in a hole by his own brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused of a crime, and then thrown into a prison and ultimately forgotten. How could he still have hope? It amazes me when reading this wonderful story how he didn’t become a bitter and mean person. We see him from being thrown into a pit, all the way to being second in command over all of Egypt. It is such a beautiful story and in the middle of the storms of life, I am given such hope because of one sentence…

Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

At this point of the story Joseph is speaking to his brothers who had caused him so much pain. Joseph had revealed who he was to them and reminded them of God’s goodness not only for his life, but so many people he was given charge of during the famine. Joseph had the opportunity to take his revenge on his brothers. With such a famine in the land he could have easily said no, I won’t give you food to take to your people, but Joseph was able to see that all of his hardships had come full circle and he knew that God had made a way. God allowed the pit, being sold, thrown in prison, and was with him every step of the way. Without all the things he had been through, there would be no provision for them.

I look back at my own life, the things that I’ve walked through and its been the hand of God through ever failure, every sin, and every victory. Through these moments in my life God has cleared a path and allowed me to live. There are things in my past that have hurt and cut me to the bone. Times when I absolutely was sure that God couldn’t or wouldn’t hear me. Today I look around and see what he’s done for me. I am by no means where I should be, but like Joseph every single heartache, failure and victory has been God’s amazing grace leading me to where I need to be. So I pray for the ones who can’t seem to see a way out of the “pit” of life. I pray that they will see Your hand in all their struggles, and as they seek You, I ask that You clear a path.❤️

January 1, 2020 Resolutions & Me

Almost every single year I have resolved to…. Save money, lose weight, eat better , run more, you name it I probably signed up for it ! The problem is often we set ourselves up for failure because we have an unconscious system of comparison and when our best efforts fall through we feel like a failure. Let me explain. You start out, I’m only eating fruits and veggies today, I’m drinking nothing but water. And maybe you do pretty good for a few days,,, then the bad day comes & you have a bowl of ice cream because it was a bad day and you’ve been good so it’s not that bad. I’ll be back on track tomorrow is what I usually say, then another hard day & less veggies and more ice cream until you get to the point of WHY BOTHER ? I’m a failure ! I’ll never lose this weight, never save any money, never… Do you know we have trained our hearts to do that with Jesus ? It was a bad day today I said things I shouldn’t have , I did something I shouldn’t have done, but I’ll be at church on Sunday to make it right again. It’s a vicious cycle of looking inward, self will, failure, and disappointment that has either been taught to us or we’ve sat in wrong theology where “our good works” make us good before God.. Often we look at people that “seem” to have it altogether & wonder why am I not like them? Maybe I’m not even saved.. Failure, and disappointment of this kind is crushing.. We have to look to the cross & the finished work of Christ and not inward on ourselves. We look to Jesus! When He was nailed to the tree & said It Is Finished, it was no longer just a cross. It became the mercy tree, where we cease from our labor, rely on Jesus and not on ourselves or what we have done. Thanks be to Jesus, because He paid it all! All to him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain. He washed me white as snow.. Lord, I ask that you allow this year to draw us closer to you.

Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Colossians 2:2 That their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and attaining to all the wealth that comes from the full assurance of understanding, resulting in a true knowledge of God's mystery, that is, Christ Himself,

New Year, New Ideas

The year of 2019 has been the most difficult year of my life, as of yet any way. The Lord has walked with me through many things this year. The death of my earthly hero, my dad. The man who loved me most on this earth. He taught me how to pray, taught me the word & loved me at my worst. In this life he was a beautiful example of Jesus to me, even in his flaws. I’ve told people that in 2019 there were only 6 good days ( I’m aware that’s false, but man) the first 5 were before my dad died on Jan. 6 & the other was the day my first grandchild was born May 21st. Yes, I suppose that may seem like an exaggeration but the lessons that have been taught to me are life changing. Days I felt as if I were drowning, days I went to bed praying I just wouldn’t wake up (truth) & days that were absolutely beautiful. I have decided that the best thing I could do would be to share some of my lessons, good and bad in hopes of giving someone else hope. Things are in the planning phase right now, this website, a podcast and other new ideas all just to show people you ARE NOT ALONE & Jesus is ENOUGH! My prayer is that you are touched and given hope, peace and the ability to share your story too.